i will forgive you for making hysterically stupid choices in the past if only for the fact that the acting you did in Transformers 2 was satisfactory. like, back to the Disturbia-status you that i fell in love with.

seriously, dude? you scared me in Indiana Jones. and again in Eagle Eye. i thought you were losing your touch.

but so long as you keep acting well, i shall forever remain true.


...okay, now, c'mere.

*hug*

<3

so, i've basically been letting one of those anonymous-fic-request-comment memes devour my very being. (okay, two of those memes, actually.) so, that's where i've been spending all my free time XDXD.

made my first post today, too! anonymity is freagin' delicious.

only thing is...when i posted my fic anonymously (and therefore uneditable-ly), the format tags didn't transfer over.

*tear-jerking disappointment*


not the worst that could happen, i guess, tho some of the fic is destroyed. T_T but i've learned my lesson. and i guess if my name isn't attached, no one can name who was the idiot who didn't know how to format.



I SHARE THIS SO THAT OTHERS MAY LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE.

GOOD DAY.

Watched the Star Trek movie about a week ago. I will watch it again very soon, in the very front row in attempt to overload my senses with its glory. (Though I am worried about the rewatchability....)

But, anyway, since Spock 'n' Jim are pretty much the start of all slash, I guess it was inevitable for there to be so much bromance in the film. As such, it is also inevitable for me to eventually fall into the slash division of the fandom and pick my preferred bottom for the couple.

Which is Jim.

Hence, why:



1) Jim gets his ass handed to himself throughout the entire movie.

This is not a joke. Even in a childhood scene, an asswhooping is being foreshadowed. And since we slashers usually like to have bottomers that are put through a lot of pain...well....


2) Spock could kick Jim's ass.

In bed and out of bed. Vulcans are way stronger than humans, after all. When Jim went 'n' threw a fit, who stepped in and was able to stop him in a split second? It should also be noted that in the entirety of the movie, Jim never came close to killing Spock. Vice versa? Hellll yeah~.


3) Jim is shorter than Spock.

By an inch or two more or less. I looked up the actors' heights to confirm this because I. Am. Crazy.


-
anyway, i'm gonna go look up more Spork fic. and look up a bunch of intelligently obscure words on Thesaurus.com so i can talk like Spock IRL XDXD.

hmm.... well, i'm pretty sure i spotted this somewhere on my flist. i rediscovered it while cleaning out my bookmarks 5 minutes ago.

That song is just a catchy exploitation of homosexuality. The concept was outdated before the song even hit the airwaves, and the lyrics are nothing clever nor special. Plus, it has sexist undertones.

well, it looks like i won't be quitting the flier job until autumn after all.

i just felt bad, since we're already low on help and summer is the busiest time of year x_X!!! i can wait to move out 'til then. hopefully.

anyway, i've still been seeking out other jobs i could do. one of which i applied for was a Mushroom Grower's Assistant.

( yes! i did! )

does it feel like i don't have time for anything i love anymore or what?

it's all my fault, i know. but when the hell did most of my goals get so unappealing???

to avoid doing what i need to do, i end up just sitting there. not even doing anything i like, like writing or reading or playing a videogame. i can't consciously use the time on something i'm not supposed to be doing, so i end up doing nothing at all. wasting.


jogging lost its feeling of accomplishment long ago, mostly because i've been overeating and it only feels like a lame make up to jog. i've also stopped doing my core exercises.

there's gotta be a name for a person like me. o, wait, there is: idiot.

pahhhh....


i feel like i'm failing horribly at life. dammit dammit dammit. give me something pointless, something that doesn't do me any good, something that'll get me absolutely no where in life---and i'll be able to preform it flawlessly.

everything else, and i'm just...incredibly slow and stupid.


...but i know what to do. i know. i know. i know. i know exactly.

it's like...i have to shut some part of my brain off.... or something. the part that turned on and took over. and i let it cuz i'd liked it initially, but now....

there's no replacement for living, y'know?



click.

( the emo intro XD )

-
so, me taking action = making sure i pass the one class i do have a chance with, acting like a polite stranger around the Crush, applying for graveshift work, jogging for 50 minutes at night time, buying my own cellphone, and...uh...utilizing the Law of Attraction! XDXD



(p.s. sorry for being so neglectful lately.... i still read every post on my flist <3! i promise to come back fully when i've navigated through this current storm.)

so, on a whim, i typed in "goemonxlupin" into the google searchbar and clicked the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button, and ended up being sent to my lj.



...just one o' those moments where it feels like fail and win at the same time.

so, i've been tired lately. like, in a sleepy, sleepy way. like, in a zoning kinda way. and yeah, i can get away with dazing out doing most things i do during a day (work, jogging, cooking). driving isn't one of them.


i mean, i've been noticing that i've been making a few mistakes lately behind the wheel. but it was always pretty small stuff like "whoops, pushed the gas and the brake at the same time", or "crap, almost rear-ended that person".

but today.... today, i kept hitting curbs while turning. i never bump curbs. even while i was on my permit! i also cut someone off, after looking and deeming the road clear. and as the stunt to end all stunts, i full-out last-second-realization ran a red light. (...luckily, there was no oncoming traffic. we shall find out soon if the sin was caught on camera.)

...

first guess of what the fuck's wrong with me was lack of sleep. after all, these eyebags just seem to look more and more prominent. but that still doesn't make much sense since it's spring break and i'm getting a helluva lot more rest than i normally do.

next guess is the crap i've been eating lately. i dunno. it seems logical. not getting in enough brain food or something. but even then, i spent the first 18 years of my life eating much worse and was still at least able to function.

*rubs eyes*

can't do much on the lack of sleep, but i bought my healthy food the other day, so we'll see if anything changes.

*rubs eye more*

...have thought about it and, after a while, have realized that I haven't written a word of fanfiction in too long.

This makes me sad.



This also explains how the urge to story-tell is growing so strong that it's using my daydreams as an outlet. I now have more than 5 futures plotted out. Most of them include my Crush, lol. All of them cannot possibly happen and if one did, it would result in me giving myself a hernia from shrieking "THE FUCK?!?!?!" between guffaws.

6 more pounds off. except SO not XDXD. cuz i've been failing at my eating 'n' exercises.

or perhaps this denial is just that weird mental disorder i SWEAR that's developing in reaction to this weight loss.


more on the developing "disorder":
well, basically, i've been noticing that every time i look in the mirror, i look fat. usually, i look worse off than how i looked when i started.

but i know my body is shrinking because clothes that once didn't fit now do, and i don't fill out my bras anymore.

but when i look at myself in the mirror or examine a body part, it looks huge. and, i also just feel huge. especially after eating. the only time i don't feel extraordinarily overweight is after i exercise, and even then it's only because i'm relieved that i worked out for the day.

i figure it's only guilt-triggered and that it'll be fixed once i start being loyal to the program again, because if it isn't.... well, i really can't see myself as anorexic or bulimic, but i know it can't be good for the mental health to keep seeing exaggerated versions of things, lol~.

-
(YAY! SHRINKING BOOBS! THAT MAKES IT SO MUCH EASIER TO CROSSDRESS! EVEN IF NONE OF MY BRAS FIT RIGHT ANYMORE! XD)

i was starting to wonder XD.

-
but, yeah. first zombie dream in a while, no doubt triggered by that calendar on the wall!!

this time around, my sisters 'n' i were trapped in a zombie-infested hotel. but the zombies didn't all know we were in a certain room. and to keep them from totally plastering themselves en masse to our door, we left the door open and killed them one by one as they trickled in.

finally, we changed rooms when it seemed the zedheads were starting to catch the drift of our whereabouts.

at wit's end thanks to my phobia, i announced that i would shoot myself in the head to avoid having to go through being eaten alive.

my sisters opted to escape, to which i was like "pshaw, yeah right, i've seen more zombie movies and i know how this'll go". so, i took the gun and shot myself in the forehead, hoping to be eternally unconscious before the zombies found me. my sisters left, and i dragged myself into the closet to buy myself a few extra seconds to die.

-
and thus, i am the definition of strength and bravery /sarcasm XD.

but yeah. woke up in the EARLY early hours in the morning, wondering how the hell the night went from daydreams about Crush to night terrors about zombies.

GLEE!

more on this later. need. sleep.

*goes off to hang out with friend*

Just lemme admit, my hair feels soooo soft right now (and, okay, that isn't so soft since guitar strings grow from my scalp). Softer even than when I'd used the Serendpity 3 shampoo. I keep petting my ponytail, lol. Even the ends don't feel so wiry.

Children's shampoo does delights to hair <3.

What made me go for this one was was a bunch of good reviews on it, praising how close the smell is to chocolate. One in particular grabbed my attention by saying that their kids loved going to school "smelling like chocolate bars". After Serendipity 3's disappointment, I was all over this one.

( rest of the review, yo )

...well, that's because there's not much to talk about LOL. i rarely see him nowadays, which really does kill me on the inside, but like i said before, it's in the little things i relish. i'll get into these strange, low moods if i haven't seen him in a while; and when i finally do, my heart is so light~. and i feel like i can reach whatever goal i have for myself! corny cock 'n' bull like that.

i've discovered two wordplays with his name in them <3.

so, yeah. me being a doofus. XD

one thing i like about having training later on Tuesdays is being able to spend much of the day looking so self-satisfyingly crummy that it warms the soul <3.

i typed up a journal entry to sum up what's been happenin' so far in life, but it was on a school computer, and the stupid defective thing closed on me o___O;;;. but HA---you won't be spared of boredom for long. ...well, if you decide to peer into the cut, at least lol.

( jai hooo~ jai hoooooo~ )

Yup. Another. Would've left it for tomorrow (and I technically have), but I ate less than two 'n' a half hours ago and thus, may not fall asleep. Soooo behind on training x_X;;;.

-
But, yeah. This review is for the chocolate-scented shampoo I ordered. Name above. What a waste of cash XD.

( overpriced and useless, i tell you! )

Well, not really a review on The Body Bakery. I just wanted to talk more about the deodorant I got from them XD.

So, yeah---very briefly: The Body Bakery is an online-based store that offers beauty&bath products in the scent of dessert~.

I found them while on the prowl for chocolate-scented deodorant, and bought two from them (they call it 'Arm Candy') in these scents: 'Brownie Delight' and 'Dutch Chocolate Cake'. Since those were the two most chocolate-y scents I could find from them, and wanted to see which smelled more chocolate-y.

Btw, they have a ridiculous amount of other scents to choose from. I would go bankrupt trying them all, and the idea is still very tempting.

I also purchased a Lip Butter (chapstick, basically) in Dutch Chocolate Cake scent, and they sent two samples of Creamy Peach scent in their 'Whipped Cream' lotion.

( i wanna cover you in chocolate and turn off the phone~ )

( cut for being boring to everyone but me XDXD )

but this time isn't so intentional! i seriously honest-to-goodness FORGOT i had so much damn homework this weekend!!

doesn't help that my rollerblades don't work anymore. i had to do work today on foot. that many houses + foot (in chucks) = NO BUENO D:. took, like, five hours!!

but, yeah. it also just so happened that i just remembered 1) i have a midterm Monday, 2) i have hw and an exam on Monday, and 3) i have a very important assignment due Monday. #3 was the only one in mind all weekend before today. and now, ha ha ha, i am screwed. :P

#3 isn't even half-way done, sooo...yeah. screwed. will probably end up ditching out on my 4th period. ugh. i fail at college.


...on a plus side, i typed in Crush's and my names in a "Love Calculator" and got 93% chance of it working out between us XD. and threw my education to the wind for three hours while i looked up horoscope nonsense things. apparently, Crush's horoscope readings indicate that he likes his woman-mate to be a traditionally femme woman who is the epitome of "perfect housewife".

...I CAN BE TRADITIONAL. MAYBE. AND FEMME. PERHAPS. AND A HOUSEWIFE. ...IN A WAY.

:D

most likely be the housewife one, tho. srsly, i have a secret desire of being picked up, hauled over the shoulder, and carried to the bedroom. that's SUCH a housewife thing, isn't it? minus the fact that i want it all done while i'm wearing a cow kigurumi. <3

yes, i quite recall that he's perfectly happy in a long-term relationship right now.


WELL, I'LL JUST MARRY DEMI LOVATO THEN. she's so cute D:. and her voice is amazing D:. why is she only 16 D:? i love her...!

so, after hitting the 800$ bar, my account has now been depleted to just over 500$ ;;;.

but--! i will say this in my defense: less than 100$ of that has to do with online shopping. the rest is just groceries and gas and training sessions. oh, and i loaned my aunt 100. (yup! loaned. as in, she'll pay me back. what an improvement! :3)

but, yeah; Little Sister brought up the fact that i have no more shampoo left, so that left me prowling for chocolate-scented shampoo! XD

found some, even tho it's a shampoo-conditioner-in-one, and i don't usually go for those just cuz my hair's dry and i need to put more conditioner on than shampoo and need the two things in separate containers to do so. but we'll see how it goes. apparently, the scent of this stuff clings to hair up to 12 hours after washing~. mmmm!

won't arrive for, like, a week, so i obviously need an alternative in the mean time >w>;;;.

NO MORE SPENDING ON UNNECESSARY ITEMS. FREEZE THE DEBIT CARD. FREEZE IT!

that was one bullshitted midterm. i didn't even know there was a mid-term today! luckily, i actually decided to show up for Astrobiology today. and luckily, this really nice dude let me have one of his scantrons (two, actually).

ironically, i think i managed a B. -. perhaps. maybe it'll be enough to put me back in the running for a passing grade XD.

yep. most def gotta get my butt in gear.

a total and completely hopeless fool <3. because i spent a good chunk of my day searching for chocolate-scented deodorant. and after only coming up with Axe's 'Dark Temptation' roll-on, i went to the store to skim the shelves and see there was no chocolate deodorant as well as discover that 'Dark Temptation' smells absolutely NOTHING close to chocolate at all. then, i came back home and prowled the interweb summore, and finally found a deodorant of satisfaction. bought it.

all this and, why?

because in an earlier conversation with the Crush, from kinduva whiles back when i first met him, i remember that he told me that he liked chocolate enough to have to eat it at least once in a while.

*sigh* total and completely hopeless, i tell you~.

had to be deodorant, tho. i'm too scatter-brained to start remembering to put perfume or cologne on every morning. it had to be something i already do each day.

but, anyway, yeah. soon, my pits'll be smellin' like "brownie delight" XDXD.

-
let's see.... other news includes the fact that i had to get an area done for work last-minute (areas with that many damn stairwells should never be given to a rollerblader!!), but it kind of worked out since Sham canceled training that day due to a mini family emergency (i'm still trying to interpret the 'mini' part), and i unfortunately didn't get to see or chat up my Crush today at all (but we txted! albeit, very briefly...), and i was able to jog lightly for 20 minutes straight (might've been longer, too, if i hadn't needed to pee).

and finally...the biggest one (well, third, actually, to me buying chocolate-scented deodorant and txting the Crush)....

Wearing Jeans got Fifth Place for "Most Riveting Raph" in the Adult TMNT Fic Comp! yeaaaah!

-
okay...i better go to sleep or else i won't wake up in time for my first class. again. UGH BUT IT IS A STUPID AND POINTLESS CLASS D<.

so, since i came out with my small crush in the last (friends-locked) entry, i wanted to know if anyone knew any songs that fit my current predicament? :3

i just like listening to songs i can connect with, but so far, i haven't been able to think up any songs. so, i thought that at least one person out there would.

remember, i'm perfectly content with this being a crush and not going anywhere. it's unrequited, but not tragic. playful, but not pining. open to any and all who stumble upon this entry!


prease and sankyuu~!