In reference to "See U In The Dark": THESE POOR BOYS DON'T KNOW THAT THEY'VE WRITTEN ABOUT HOW UGLY THE GIRL IN THE SONG IS.


Lyric #1:
My window frames you like a Monet

Urban Dictionary unanimous gist of what a "Monet" is:
Someone who looks attractive from far away, but fucking fugly up close.


Lyric #2:
I love to see you in the dark

...Things cannot be seen easily in the dark.


Lyric #3:
Don't come back to bed yet

BECAUSE HE WANTS HER TO STAY AWAY! o_0



-
Pssst, we're just JK D:. Little Sister 'n' me have been rocking out to this song all day. It's about a dude who's just realized that his bestie has grown up into a total bombshell and he wants to bone her bad. It's really very catchy.

yup! found a new one. maybe. not sure if it's actually a new obsession, but it's definitely cute and i definitely support <3. It's called Jalex, which is Justin/Alex (from Wizards of Waverly Place), which is incest, but OMG MY WEAKNESS IS BIGBRO/LILSIS FORGIVE ME?!?!

these two are TOO, too cute on the show. David Henrie 'n' Selena Gomez have AWESOME chemistry. and actually, the ENTIRE CAST makes me fangasm. good acting makes me happy in my heart <3.

(gosh, i need to become a production assistant or something.)

but ANYWAY, back to Jalex. i do like it. but i suppose i don't feel as strongly for it because i started out as a Justin/Harper fan, because Harper is amazing awesome and her (past) disturbing devotion to Justin is cute. at least i think so.


BUT ANYWAY---!!!

back to Jalex. i don't believe i am obsessed (yet), but these two have WAY too many moments on the show to NOT fangirl over them. like, i know i loved Jackson/Miley, but their relationship was NEVER EVER done even remotely close to as fantabulous as the writers make Justin and Alex.


srsly, eek. omg eek. i shall now join a Jalex community where there will be (eek!) fic and (eek!) vid and (EEK!) picspam. love picspam.

i saw something like this on a inell's journal got *INSPIRED* to make my own! (she is fantabulously charming, btw, and i <3 her Kirk/McCoy stuff.)



Lupin III <3 Because I've drifted in and out and inbetween fandoms and obsessions, but seeing this scrawny monkey manchild thief run around in hijinks still touches a certain part of my heart and tugs.
getting people to laugh
accomplishing things
random acts of kindness
awesomely fluid teamwork <3 It's better than sex.
smelling like dessert foods <3 Preferably chocolate, but cream food scents smell yummy, too!!!
eating dessert foods
physical contact <3 Without pervy ulterior motives, please!
looking hella cute
losing weight
creating <3 Writing, drawing, amvs, the woiks!
catchy cool songs
keeping busy
learning
mind-highs <3 Sativa FTW!!!
being completely silly <3 Never EVER grows stale.
humor
good fanfiction
favorite colors <3 Mellow yellows, indigo blues, greyish blues, greys, black, white, and pale pink. And warm brown hues. And pastels of all sorts. And... *trails off*
!!! ONE PIECE !!! <3 <3 <3 I am ashamed to admit that this was tacked onto the list later. (Date now 09/03/09.) Because One Piece is basically anything and everything I've ever wanted in an anime. It stole my heart at "bullets can't hurt me!!!" and since reading the first volume of the manga, it has remained in my top, right next to Lupin.



so, wow, my mood's a lot lighter now. and tonight, Little Sister 'n' I are going to watch the Wizards of Waverly Place movie 8D!!! ...and i am the only 19-year-old i know who is excited about it. BANZAI.

hi, friends!

<3

i really, truly do like all of you a hell of a lot.

cuz it seems a lot of you are having some rough times right now. and i've unfortunately been pretty awol lately. but, well...i'd like to save the time to reply to everyone's entries when i'm more coherent in the brain.

so, for now, i will sleep for at least three hours and not think about

so, i've basically been letting one of those anonymous-fic-request-comment memes devour my very being. (okay, two of those memes, actually.) so, that's where i've been spending all my free time XDXD.

made my first post today, too! anonymity is freagin' delicious.

only thing is...when i posted my fic anonymously (and therefore uneditable-ly), the format tags didn't transfer over.

*tear-jerking disappointment*


not the worst that could happen, i guess, tho some of the fic is destroyed. T_T but i've learned my lesson. and i guess if my name isn't attached, no one can name who was the idiot who didn't know how to format.



I SHARE THIS SO THAT OTHERS MAY LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE.

GOOD DAY.

does it feel like i don't have time for anything i love anymore or what?

it's all my fault, i know. but when the hell did most of my goals get so unappealing???

to avoid doing what i need to do, i end up just sitting there. not even doing anything i like, like writing or reading or playing a videogame. i can't consciously use the time on something i'm not supposed to be doing, so i end up doing nothing at all. wasting.


jogging lost its feeling of accomplishment long ago, mostly because i've been overeating and it only feels like a lame make up to jog. i've also stopped doing my core exercises.

there's gotta be a name for a person like me. o, wait, there is: idiot.

pahhhh....


i feel like i'm failing horribly at life. dammit dammit dammit. give me something pointless, something that doesn't do me any good, something that'll get me absolutely no where in life---and i'll be able to preform it flawlessly.

everything else, and i'm just...incredibly slow and stupid.


...but i know what to do. i know. i know. i know. i know exactly.

it's like...i have to shut some part of my brain off.... or something. the part that turned on and took over. and i let it cuz i'd liked it initially, but now....

there's no replacement for living, y'know?



click.

( the emo intro XD )

-
so, me taking action = making sure i pass the one class i do have a chance with, acting like a polite stranger around the Crush, applying for graveshift work, jogging for 50 minutes at night time, buying my own cellphone, and...uh...utilizing the Law of Attraction! XDXD



(p.s. sorry for being so neglectful lately.... i still read every post on my flist <3! i promise to come back fully when i've navigated through this current storm.)

so, i've been tired lately. like, in a sleepy, sleepy way. like, in a zoning kinda way. and yeah, i can get away with dazing out doing most things i do during a day (work, jogging, cooking). driving isn't one of them.


i mean, i've been noticing that i've been making a few mistakes lately behind the wheel. but it was always pretty small stuff like "whoops, pushed the gas and the brake at the same time", or "crap, almost rear-ended that person".

but today.... today, i kept hitting curbs while turning. i never bump curbs. even while i was on my permit! i also cut someone off, after looking and deeming the road clear. and as the stunt to end all stunts, i full-out last-second-realization ran a red light. (...luckily, there was no oncoming traffic. we shall find out soon if the sin was caught on camera.)

...

first guess of what the fuck's wrong with me was lack of sleep. after all, these eyebags just seem to look more and more prominent. but that still doesn't make much sense since it's spring break and i'm getting a helluva lot more rest than i normally do.

next guess is the crap i've been eating lately. i dunno. it seems logical. not getting in enough brain food or something. but even then, i spent the first 18 years of my life eating much worse and was still at least able to function.

*rubs eyes*

can't do much on the lack of sleep, but i bought my healthy food the other day, so we'll see if anything changes.

*rubs eye more*

...well, that's because there's not much to talk about LOL. i rarely see him nowadays, which really does kill me on the inside, but like i said before, it's in the little things i relish. i'll get into these strange, low moods if i haven't seen him in a while; and when i finally do, my heart is so light~. and i feel like i can reach whatever goal i have for myself! corny cock 'n' bull like that.

i've discovered two wordplays with his name in them <3.

so, yeah. me being a doofus. XD

one thing i like about having training later on Tuesdays is being able to spend much of the day looking so self-satisfyingly crummy that it warms the soul <3.

i typed up a journal entry to sum up what's been happenin' so far in life, but it was on a school computer, and the stupid defective thing closed on me o___O;;;. but HA---you won't be spared of boredom for long. ...well, if you decide to peer into the cut, at least lol.

( jai hooo~ jai hoooooo~ )

( cut for being boring to everyone but me XDXD )

but this time isn't so intentional! i seriously honest-to-goodness FORGOT i had so much damn homework this weekend!!

doesn't help that my rollerblades don't work anymore. i had to do work today on foot. that many houses + foot (in chucks) = NO BUENO D:. took, like, five hours!!

but, yeah. it also just so happened that i just remembered 1) i have a midterm Monday, 2) i have hw and an exam on Monday, and 3) i have a very important assignment due Monday. #3 was the only one in mind all weekend before today. and now, ha ha ha, i am screwed. :P

#3 isn't even half-way done, sooo...yeah. screwed. will probably end up ditching out on my 4th period. ugh. i fail at college.


...on a plus side, i typed in Crush's and my names in a "Love Calculator" and got 93% chance of it working out between us XD. and threw my education to the wind for three hours while i looked up horoscope nonsense things. apparently, Crush's horoscope readings indicate that he likes his woman-mate to be a traditionally femme woman who is the epitome of "perfect housewife".

...I CAN BE TRADITIONAL. MAYBE. AND FEMME. PERHAPS. AND A HOUSEWIFE. ...IN A WAY.

:D

most likely be the housewife one, tho. srsly, i have a secret desire of being picked up, hauled over the shoulder, and carried to the bedroom. that's SUCH a housewife thing, isn't it? minus the fact that i want it all done while i'm wearing a cow kigurumi. <3

yes, i quite recall that he's perfectly happy in a long-term relationship right now.


WELL, I'LL JUST MARRY DEMI LOVATO THEN. she's so cute D:. and her voice is amazing D:. why is she only 16 D:? i love her...!

so, after hitting the 800$ bar, my account has now been depleted to just over 500$ ;;;.

but--! i will say this in my defense: less than 100$ of that has to do with online shopping. the rest is just groceries and gas and training sessions. oh, and i loaned my aunt 100. (yup! loaned. as in, she'll pay me back. what an improvement! :3)

but, yeah; Little Sister brought up the fact that i have no more shampoo left, so that left me prowling for chocolate-scented shampoo! XD

found some, even tho it's a shampoo-conditioner-in-one, and i don't usually go for those just cuz my hair's dry and i need to put more conditioner on than shampoo and need the two things in separate containers to do so. but we'll see how it goes. apparently, the scent of this stuff clings to hair up to 12 hours after washing~. mmmm!

won't arrive for, like, a week, so i obviously need an alternative in the mean time >w>;;;.

NO MORE SPENDING ON UNNECESSARY ITEMS. FREEZE THE DEBIT CARD. FREEZE IT!

a total and completely hopeless fool <3. because i spent a good chunk of my day searching for chocolate-scented deodorant. and after only coming up with Axe's 'Dark Temptation' roll-on, i went to the store to skim the shelves and see there was no chocolate deodorant as well as discover that 'Dark Temptation' smells absolutely NOTHING close to chocolate at all. then, i came back home and prowled the interweb summore, and finally found a deodorant of satisfaction. bought it.

all this and, why?

because in an earlier conversation with the Crush, from kinduva whiles back when i first met him, i remember that he told me that he liked chocolate enough to have to eat it at least once in a while.

*sigh* total and completely hopeless, i tell you~.

had to be deodorant, tho. i'm too scatter-brained to start remembering to put perfume or cologne on every morning. it had to be something i already do each day.

but, anyway, yeah. soon, my pits'll be smellin' like "brownie delight" XDXD.

-
let's see.... other news includes the fact that i had to get an area done for work last-minute (areas with that many damn stairwells should never be given to a rollerblader!!), but it kind of worked out since Sham canceled training that day due to a mini family emergency (i'm still trying to interpret the 'mini' part), and i unfortunately didn't get to see or chat up my Crush today at all (but we txted! albeit, very briefly...), and i was able to jog lightly for 20 minutes straight (might've been longer, too, if i hadn't needed to pee).

and finally...the biggest one (well, third, actually, to me buying chocolate-scented deodorant and txting the Crush)....

Wearing Jeans got Fifth Place for "Most Riveting Raph" in the Adult TMNT Fic Comp! yeaaaah!

-
okay...i better go to sleep or else i won't wake up in time for my first class. again. UGH BUT IT IS A STUPID AND POINTLESS CLASS D<.

so, since i came out with my small crush in the last (friends-locked) entry, i wanted to know if anyone knew any songs that fit my current predicament? :3

i just like listening to songs i can connect with, but so far, i haven't been able to think up any songs. so, i thought that at least one person out there would.

remember, i'm perfectly content with this being a crush and not going anywhere. it's unrequited, but not tragic. playful, but not pining. open to any and all who stumble upon this entry!


prease and sankyuu~!

went to meet with my attorney today.

Jaime drove, so it was kinda like a flashback to childhood. we used the exact same car, too: the white bmw. him driving, me in the passenger seat, with 80s music playing. only this time, i noticed how much i'd grown, since i couldn't see over the dashboard back then.

Jaime had his doubts about the attorney at first, just cuz we had to wait a while before anything started. but after meeting with her, he felt assured that we were in good hands.

( the attorney. )

-
( the training. )

-
so, yeah. the majority of my day in a nutshell. y'know what? i don't even know what the hell that means. that phrase. 'in a nutshell'. wtf does that mean?

okay. will go now. mucho homework.

next time i post will be with a meme.

ciaosuu~

i made a new friend today. or...more like some dude decided to make friends with me. tho, he's made it clear that he wants to be more than that. i dunno. i'm just seeing how this plays out. it's been four years since i've been in a relationship. longer since i've been in a relationship with a man. and honestly, i can't say i have the time or care to make such a commitment.

he's very touchy-feely. not that that's a bad thing, since i'm starved for physical-contact. i'm just...not used to it.

he kept touching my hands, my face...pulling me into hugs.... all the while telling me how cute or pretty i am. again, not really a bad thing; i'm just not used to this sort of attention.

which is also probably why i don't find this creepy at all. he seems legit, tho. besides the fact that he also seems inclined to get me into 420. (sorry, guy, been there, smoked that, and not looking to start again. i think my trainer might kill me.)

the more i talk about it, the more it seems like a bad situation, LOL.

no turning back now, though. he knows my name, face, and number. and he honest to goodness just seems like a good person. yeah, i know the info i've given so far makes him seem like a drug dealer trying to pull a naive chick into the trade XDXD, but irl he seems genuinely...genuine.

he says he's trying to meet new, better people to help him turn his life around. cuz up until recently, he's been homeless. so, now, he's in school, studying horticulture to learn how to grow his own food (and MJ), and yeah, i am just now realizing how much this sounds like one of those situations, but i promise you i'm honestly not that easy. especially when the other person likes me first.

i fall in love by chasing a target, not by being flattered. so, i'm pretty interested to see exactly where this'll go.

-
Nicolas: "I honestly couldn't tell you were Filipino; most Filipino girls I see are lighter than you."
me: "Yeah...I'm so dark for a Filipino!"
Nicolas: "No, don't worry about it! Dark is beautiful."
me: "Well, of course, you say that!"
Nicolas: ... <--is black
me: "...I didn't mean it like that!!!"

and so, moshi proves that she's a communication idiot. XD

a quick hi before i revert back to the busyness that is currently my world! HI.

( hihihi )

-
as for things left to do, i have work all weekend, as well as a SHITload of homework. i also have two exams coming up this wednesday. and a research paper on Bambi II due. my goal is to get up to 80 ounces of water down in a day before tuesday comes. i also need to do my core twice a day 'til then. at least one load of stinky clothing must be laundered. showers every time i work in lincoln will be nice.

o, but damn.... that family gathering on saturday'll probly take up a bunch of time. i'll have to bring my hw and do it there....

wow. so not only have i not been asked for rent this month (yet), but they didn't even wait for me to give them money when i asked them to buy mushrooms for me.

i wonder what Mommyo 'n' Daddyo said to them....

well, besides the embarrassing (on their part at least) fact that i've been trying to move away to live with other family members.


moving onto finances, my balance has finally hit the 500$ line for the first time in...A FUCKING WHILE, OKAY? XDXD

as for that job i mentioned in some other entry.... the one that 'paid well'.... yeah, it's pretty much a scam, methinks, but i'm going for a look-see, anyway =_=. yeah, i'm that stupid for cash. this cannot end well XD.

fuckin' bad service.... they took a month just to process my order and end up sending me the wrong DVD.

*packs up DVD for return*

damn you, Walter. damn youuuu.

quick update on life as it is for me so i can feel more organized all the while procrastinate exercising.

:D

-
( so, i've been shot down on all my attempts to find housing. )

-
( school has yet to become very hectic, which i'm grateful for. )

-
( i do NOT want to leave my job. )

-
( hmm.... well, i THINK i'm losing weight, at least. )

-
( there's a bunch of other misc-y things floating about, yeah, but i'm not too concerned with those. )

-
and...yeah, that's it.

btw, it was PMS! jesus damn, hormones are fucking CRAZY. Aunt Flow just hit today, and i do not feel emotional at all; haven't teared up once throughout the entire day.

granted, i've been talking a bit with my cousin and she proposed at least a temporary solution to my predicament and shared with me some juicy bits about the dark side of our family i honest to goodness never even suspected. (i mean, happy, laughing people always looking for excuses to get together and socialize doesn't exactly scream "DYSFUNCTION".)

but, yeah. most intense case of PMS i've ever experienced. i've been angry and irritable, but always manageably so, and NEVER upset like this where i was practically falling apart at the seams.

and now i'm...so chill.

moshi's back. XD

i'm getting better at human interaction!!! YES! i am~.

-
( start at the start )

-
( HAY, GAIZ, 'MEMEBER DA PT??? )

-
urgh. what the hell am i doing? i have so much freagin' homework. *glances at ugly, towering pile* GAH!

in the words of the the Governator, "Ah'll be bahck."


P.S. am trying to get married. wish me luck~.

i met up with Priscilla (person who put craigslist ad up) and Sham (fitness trainer) at Barnes&Noble just to meet them before training begins, as well as be briefed vaguely on what to expect. training starts this upcoming Tuesday!

-
also....

gosh, it's been so long since i've last been to a bookstore <3. even longer since i've lingered in the maynga-mahnga section. i totally remember now how i spent all those hours in Borders when Galleria rent was cheaper.

reading from mid-way into some random volume of Blood+, i forgot about the world around me, and was reminded only when my aunt called me to say my uncle was there to pick me up. stuff i still need to catch up on include (though definitely not limited to!:) Nana, One Piece, GetBackers, Hana-Kimi, and now Blood+.

i bought the latest of Hellsing, though it was kinda-sortuva let down what with the build-up the previous installments had swelled. i mean, what the fuck, Walter. what the fuck. you suck now. reduced to a bitch-character. i don't like you anymore.

the installment wasn't a total flop, at least.

gonna be spending the rest of my weekend in Lincoln, now....

sucks that the closest bookstore to there is in Roseville. i blame Walter.

woooOoOo! i know i said i wasn't gonna reject any work.... but it's not like she asked, "Do you want work for tomorrow?" nope! she asked me, "What do you want to do tomorrow, then?"

and i said....

...you know, i'm not quite as good remembering what i say compared to remembering what other people say sometimes.

-
anyway, this personal fitness trainer (apparently, he's a miracle worker, and does it at an extremely low rate) told me to start a food log. and looking over the last two days, i have a feeling his reaction to my food records is gonna be "GTFO, NEWFAG, STICK TO LURKING". ...except less net-speak-like XD.

my habit of just eating whatever's there has turned my diet into something odd, lemme tell ya. tho, not as odd as my uncle's (who was in the Navy so REALLY just eats whatever).

-
but, yeah! day off! it'll possiblyprobably be spent trying to figure out the eye from the talon of Tax Filing! yayyyy 8D!

i'd really like to dump the rest of my cash for rare-to-find Geneon-dubbed Lupin DVDs, but i'm trying to save up money to pay off last year's estimated taxes. i only found out a few days ago that independent contractors (ore!) file taxes in a special way! how on track i am with everything, amirite!

-
oh, apparently that personal trainer is good enough to make people lose 40lbs within a few something months. let's see if that's true, jes? i'll tell any and all 'secrets' on my journal! mwa ha ha! >3

-
dear me; i'm hyper.

time for spaghetti, dammit!!!



next-day edit: nvm about figuring out taxes. i guess i need the 1040 form before i can fill out the 540. but, it's like.... why are you sending me the 540 first, then? *shakes head* government these days.