6 more pounds off. except SO not XDXD. cuz i've been failing at my eating 'n' exercises.

or perhaps this denial is just that weird mental disorder i SWEAR that's developing in reaction to this weight loss.


more on the developing "disorder":
well, basically, i've been noticing that every time i look in the mirror, i look fat. usually, i look worse off than how i looked when i started.

but i know my body is shrinking because clothes that once didn't fit now do, and i don't fill out my bras anymore.

but when i look at myself in the mirror or examine a body part, it looks huge. and, i also just feel huge. especially after eating. the only time i don't feel extraordinarily overweight is after i exercise, and even then it's only because i'm relieved that i worked out for the day.

i figure it's only guilt-triggered and that it'll be fixed once i start being loyal to the program again, because if it isn't.... well, i really can't see myself as anorexic or bulimic, but i know it can't be good for the mental health to keep seeing exaggerated versions of things, lol~.

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(YAY! SHRINKING BOOBS! THAT MAKES IT SO MUCH EASIER TO CROSSDRESS! EVEN IF NONE OF MY BRAS FIT RIGHT ANYMORE! XD)

GLEE!

more on this later. need. sleep.

*goes off to hang out with friend*

went to meet with my attorney today.

Jaime drove, so it was kinda like a flashback to childhood. we used the exact same car, too: the white bmw. him driving, me in the passenger seat, with 80s music playing. only this time, i noticed how much i'd grown, since i couldn't see over the dashboard back then.

Jaime had his doubts about the attorney at first, just cuz we had to wait a while before anything started. but after meeting with her, he felt assured that we were in good hands.

( the attorney. )

-
( the training. )

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so, yeah. the majority of my day in a nutshell. y'know what? i don't even know what the hell that means. that phrase. 'in a nutshell'. wtf does that mean?

okay. will go now. mucho homework.

next time i post will be with a meme.

ciaosuu~

i think? =_=;; i need to go in for a doctor check up, anyway. haven't been in years. so i'll ask what my real height is when i go. i always say i'm 5'3'', but lately, i've had the sneaky suspicion that i'm 5'2''. so if that's true, then i have to lose more weight than we initially thought.

but, here's a good thing:

I'VE LOST FIVE POUNDS SO FAR.

<3

( where the journal part comes in, now. )

a quick hi before i revert back to the busyness that is currently my world! HI.

( hihihi )

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as for things left to do, i have work all weekend, as well as a SHITload of homework. i also have two exams coming up this wednesday. and a research paper on Bambi II due. my goal is to get up to 80 ounces of water down in a day before tuesday comes. i also need to do my core twice a day 'til then. at least one load of stinky clothing must be laundered. showers every time i work in lincoln will be nice.

o, but damn.... that family gathering on saturday'll probly take up a bunch of time. i'll have to bring my hw and do it there....

to spare my flist, i've decided to start a new blog all about the pt. to the none interested, tune in thar, plz. ;3

tho, i'll probly still post about it here, for when i get too wordy or especially informal.

well, kinda lol.

OMG. TRAINING TODAY. ACK! XDXD

( that fat ain't gonna burn itself! )

...oops. i totally did not just pig out right now.


btw, my Little Sister and her friend are apparently the Queen and King of twelve chan. ROFLMAOOOOO~!!~!!!

well, i didn't get crucified to the treadmill like i thought i would. i was expecting at least a bit of a tongue lashing for eating that many cookies....

Priscilla: "How many?"
me: "...Um.... I blank out when I eat sweets, so...."
Priscilla: XD "Well, how about an estimate?"
me: "Um...like...ten?"
Priscilla: "TEN?"
me: "It could've been twenty---I dunno!" >_<
Priscilla: "How big were they?"
me: *demonstrates* "Like...this?"
Priscilla: "OH. MY. GOD." XDXD

...and now when i look at that, it looks like we're talking about something dirty.

...ah, well.

( tonight. )

ack, i feel uber busy @_@;;;. with this pt stuff, and work.... speaking of which, i think i've scored another job! PAYS SO WELL YA'LL BE JEALOUS (well...'cept for you maybe, WA....). oh! and SCHOOL. gah! X3

tomorrow, i give my first class presentation in college. watch me make an ass of myself with the full attention of an audience! wooo!

Priscilla was sick (a fever, ohnoes!!!), so it was just Sham 'n' me today. i thought it'd be awkward, since it was one-on-one, but it wasn't at all.

though i was worried about how i'd get through the fence (we use Priscilla's apartment complex's fitness facility even tho we don't live there; HAX) since i didn't have a key, but luckily two people walked out of the gate and i was able to step in before it automatically locked itself. and i didn't have to worry anyway, since Sham had a key and he was waiting for me outside in his car.

BUT OMG, STILL. SHE'S GIVING ME A KEY. I GET TO USE THE POOL. <3 <3 <3! ...<3!!!

( as i type, i probly look a damn fool. read on and you shall find out why. )

i'm getting better at human interaction!!! YES! i am~.

-
( start at the start )

-
( HAY, GAIZ, 'MEMEBER DA PT??? )

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urgh. what the hell am i doing? i have so much freagin' homework. *glances at ugly, towering pile* GAH!

in the words of the the Governator, "Ah'll be bahck."


P.S. am trying to get married. wish me luck~.

( blabber blubber. i fear i post too much sometimes.... )

----
current balance: 165.56$

i met up with Priscilla (person who put craigslist ad up) and Sham (fitness trainer) at Barnes&Noble just to meet them before training begins, as well as be briefed vaguely on what to expect. training starts this upcoming Tuesday!

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also....

gosh, it's been so long since i've last been to a bookstore <3. even longer since i've lingered in the maynga-mahnga section. i totally remember now how i spent all those hours in Borders when Galleria rent was cheaper.

reading from mid-way into some random volume of Blood+, i forgot about the world around me, and was reminded only when my aunt called me to say my uncle was there to pick me up. stuff i still need to catch up on include (though definitely not limited to!:) Nana, One Piece, GetBackers, Hana-Kimi, and now Blood+.

i bought the latest of Hellsing, though it was kinda-sortuva let down what with the build-up the previous installments had swelled. i mean, what the fuck, Walter. what the fuck. you suck now. reduced to a bitch-character. i don't like you anymore.

the installment wasn't a total flop, at least.

gonna be spending the rest of my weekend in Lincoln, now....

sucks that the closest bookstore to there is in Roseville. i blame Walter.